Lent, Ramadan, and the Lost Art of Patience: Why Basic Kindness Still Matters

Lent, Ramadan, and the Challenge of Self-Reflection

One of the perks of the Lenten season is giving up something, a vice ideally, to prepare for Easter. Generally speaking, from a young age, I recall trying to give up things, from pizza to swearing to fighting with my twin brother to judging others too quickly. My success rate was mixed, but I appreciated seeing whether I could, in fact, keep my word and have the willpower to do the right thing. 

Fast forward to the present, middle-aged, and I still see the benefits of reflecting and deciding what serves and what doesn’t. For me, this is less about the Easter holiday and more about identifying how I can be a better person, period. Living in Tangier, Morocco, for this season and watching the nation if you will go through Ramadan, not only do I see parallels, but I also wonder why it’s such a challenge for people to simply do the right thing, regardless. 

The world would be a far better place if we simply treated one another better and let go of our obsessions and this "me" mentality that really only makes sense for children who are still learning who they are and who they want to become as adults. School and education in general are supposed to be safe places for kids to be kids, but also to embody and inculcate in them the qualities of being functional, loving human beings.

Our challenge is that, for whatever reason, as a society, many of us are not outgrowing the child phase and are unable to take on the lessons we are repeatedly taught in schools and in our families about being kind-hearted, generous, and thoughtful towards others.

I know I struggle this time of year with the duplicity of everything. Regardless of whether one is Christian or Muslim, why does one need a specific time of year to be reminded to slow down, be patient with others, and not be a dooshbag? Yes, what a great word to use. I could have used dickhead instead. But the point is, why do we need reminders to be generous, to donate to causes, to help the unfortunate, or to simply let someone cross the street? 

I’m not advocating for anything crazy, but the fact that we, as a population, still can’t see the God in those around us is baffling. Sure, it’s a struggle at times to figure out people’s motives and interactions can be frustrating, but one can also just be nice, period. You don’t have to like everyone, far from it, but why do we have to act as though our existence is more important than someone else?

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Impatience on the Roads: A Universal Problem

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IThe other day, I was walking home from work, and there were tons of cars out. With Ramadan underway, more people are leaving their jobs earlier to rush home and prepare their feasts for the night after the fast is broken. The challenge is the drivers' lack of patience. Don’t misunderstand me, drivers are crap here to begin with, and I already have to be extra vigilant using the crosswalks because in this area, the common courtesy that more drivers use in other parts of the world is lacking.

This is my reality. So it’s always a game crossing the street, but on this one day, the cars were completely jammed. One would think I could simply walk to the other side without resistance. An ambulance fought its way through, and, as in every country, you have drivers who think they can use this emergency vehicle as a means of cutting around others and skipping the line.
At this traffic circle and intersection, three of the four junctions were blocked. After I wisely didn’t jump into the crosswalk when the ambulance pushed through, I figured it was clear because the rest of the cars weren’t going anywhere. Poor me, almost got myself run over by not one but two idiots who tailgated the ambulance. The first SUV swerved around other cars while I was still in the other lane, but the second guy, who decided to push his luck, followed, and literally, I could have slapped his window. 

He did the a-hole pointing-at-the-car-in-front-of-him thing as though that gave him permission to pass the line of other cars waiting their turns to go. Nor did he care that I was inches from his door handle or the hood of his car. Was I pissed? Absolutely. Did I give him the international sign for peace that I usually save for tailgaters back in the United States? You bet I did. Even days later, I still can’t let go of the fact that this guy didn’t give two hoots that I was in his lane. 

Now, this wasn’t the first time that a yahoo swerved around me while I was in the crosswalk. This is common here, which makes it that much more frustrating. People don’t care. They are in a rush and want to be on their way at the cost of anyone who gets in the way. I find it puzzling for this time of year, especially since so many drivers lack the grace of the season. 

No joke, the next day I’m at the gate of my school, leaving, and again I’m in the crosswalk as a vehicle stops to pick up several students. Behind this SUV, another car doesn’t want to wait. He cut around the SUV, ready to gun it. I stopped in the center of the crosswalk and pointed at him with my umbrella. Truly, do you plan on running over a child because you don’t want to wait twenty seconds? 

Let’s be clear: this isn’t just a Moroccan thing. Okay, drivers are ridiculous in southern Italy, and, for that matter, on the streets of Krakow. So this is an issue everywhere, and in the United States, while we don’t have the issue with the crosswalks, we have the impatient drivers riding your tail on the highway because they want to go ninety in a fifty-five. 

I remember driving up to my sister’s in Augusta, Maine. There is a merge shortly after the Gardiner exit for Interstate 95 and 295. Because it’s a merge, whether a driver likes it or not, the fast lane becomes a transitional one, and sometimes a slower lane, until traffic spreads out. On this one trip, I was in this lane, going seventy in a fifty-five, and I spotted in my rear-view mirror a black monster truck weaving in and around cars. 

There was no doubt he was jumping into my lane, and he did just that seconds later. I refused to go any faster because I was trying to cut into the middle lane and slow down. This fellow wasn’t having any of it; he revved his engine like a hillbilly at a monster truck rally. With a slew of slower vehicles to my immediate right, I couldn’t simply cut over, certainly at the speed dingbat behind me wanted. 

He continued to tailgate me, so as I was getting ready to switch lanes, I gave him the finger. I was pissed, like, honestly, get off my six and be more patient. Let it be known that I was stupid on my part. I safely got into the middle lane, and this fellow didn’t like the insult. 

Instead of him just roaring on his way, I guess he now wanted to take the time to teach me a lesson, which all bullies need to do to feel better about their entitlement. He swerved in front of me, hit his brakes, and then turned on some rear fog lights that he had custom-made. Those LED lights blinded me. Seriously, and while I’m sure he was ready for me to retaliate, all I could do was laugh. 

Clearly, I wasn’t the first driver this guy pissed off, and I wouldn’t be the last. If you have to install a custom light kit for this specific purpose, it’s a matter of time until karma or some serendipitous event teaches you a lesson. As for me, I switched lanes, laughed some more because there was nothing I could do, without driving like a bat out of hell with my Mazda 3 to go after this guy who was likely now doing 100 miles per hour.

The greater question is, where did this guy get off driving recklessly, just like the ones at the crosswalks? People aren’t thinking about the other person or the family in front of them, but only themselves. That’s the greater concern.​

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A Little More Grace in Everyday Life

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While I could harp on the seasons of Ramadan or Lent and how participants' daily lives adhere to some rules but miss the point of gratitude, empathy for others, and patience, it’s far easier to look at the drivers across countries and use them as a model for behavior that can no longer be tolerated if we want to transition to a more loving society. 

I can also use all of my Ryanair examples from previous blogs, and the continued ridiculousness of people around the world being oblivious to the fact that they aren’t the only people traveling. If I see one more TikTok clip with a passenger being upset because they couldn’t sit with their partner or kid because they didn’t take the time to buy seats together, I could lose my mind. Or those parents who don’t know how to manage their children on a plane or at the airport because they want to doomscroll and pretend parenting only happens at home. Let’s add to the fray a lack of physical space and awareness, with hands, feet, and other body parts infringing on your seat, and we've got the trifecta.

Away from travels but simply daily life, I’m not saying you have to give money to every beggar on the street or hold the door for the line of people going into the grocery store at the same time, but you sure as heck can slow down and be nicer. Just realize you aren’t the only person in this world, and without those people around you, there wouldn’t be a society to live in and participate in.

Sheesh, this has reached rant level today, but rightfully so. As a world of citizens, many of us claim to be more consciously aware and better than previous civilizations, yet we struggle to get along. We still have wars, hunger, poverty, and, in my case, stupid drivers who couldn't give two hoots about pedestrians. 

We aren’t going to change things overnight, but during this Lenten season, as people prepare for Easter, or in the case of Ramadan, where families will celebrate the end of their fasting shortly, look past your differences, put your entitlement aside and remember you aren’t the only person here doing the best they can to survive and ideally flourish and grow in this planet we call Earth. We are here to be loved and to experience life together. That can be easily done if we show some grace, patience, and more kindness to one another.